did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
