I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
