I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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