She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
