can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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