How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
