Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize