Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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