Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
