I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The uberlube is also flammable
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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