Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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