I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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