dude i'm inner monologue high
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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