I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
