Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Sext me about skeletons
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
