how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
