it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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