Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
