Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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