sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
