dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Found your dick twin last night
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
