Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
