I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
