U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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