youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize