i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
