I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
