Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
