Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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