So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
