They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
