we have pet lesbian snakes
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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