i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
