I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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