ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
