in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
