Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
