I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
