it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
