I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
