I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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