Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
