we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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