It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
