Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize