love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
we're making bets on your personal life
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
