It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
