The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
