remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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