so that wasnt chicken after all
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize