I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
