Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
