Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
