planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
