Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
