does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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