I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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