If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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