Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
