So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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