I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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