so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
