I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
