im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
