so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
