Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
