Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
