Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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