Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
