Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
