I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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