He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
