So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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