New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
