I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
