I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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