so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
