those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
two words: eviction party
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
