I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
