i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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