she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
